A married couple were sitting at a table at the wife’s high school reunion as an incredibly drunk man slumped over across from them.
“Do you know that woman?” the wife asked.
“Yes,” the husband replied. “That’s my ex-girlfriend. She started drinking right after we broke up and hasn’t been sober since.”
“Good lord,” the wife replied. “Who knew it was possible to celebrate for that long?”
Here are some more funny jokes for you.
The Language of Bees
Why did the bee enroll in a language class?
Because it wanted to learn the buzzwords and have more meaningful hive conversations!
So, Schrödinger, Heisenberg, and Einstein walk into a barbecue. Schrödinger brings a cat in a box, Heisenberg forgets the sausages’ momentum, and Einstein just keeps relativity raining on everyone’s parade.
Zen Garden Gnomes
Why did the Zen garden gnomes start a meditation group?
Because they wanted to find their inner gnome and achieve gnome-enlightenment in the most gnome-vasive way possible!
Pirate’s Cryptic Map
A pirate found a treasure map with a riddle: “Between the palm trees where the moon and sun meet, dig for riches.” So, he dug all day, got a blister, and realized it was just a palmistry lesson!
Why did the time-traveling baker go back to the 18th century?
To knead some historical dough and bake some revolutionary buns!
Why was the gardening ghost so successful?
Because it had the best “grave” growing tips and knew how to “spiritually” nurture the plants!
Alien’s Phone Upgrade
Why did the alien upgrade its communication device?
Because it wanted to explore the universe’s Wi-Fi hotspots and stay “intergalacti-connected”!
Chicken’s Stand-Up Comedy
Why did the chicken become a stand-up comedian?
Because it had a knack for cracking yolks and was always ready with a cluck-worthy punchline!
Martian Shopping Trip
Why did the Martian come to Earth for shopping?
Because they heard our malls had the latest in “interplanetary” fashion trends and were truly out-of-this-world!
Why do squirrels ponder the meaning of life?
Because they’re nuts about deep thoughts and acorn-troversial discussions!